Damn you, Netflix! Why won’t you let me kill Bear Grylls?
You vs Wild is like Bandersnatch for extreme survival fans … only no matter how hard you try, the git gets out in one piece
Bandersnatch was fine. Better than fine, in fact. It was bold, it was inventive, it pushed a new method of interactive storytelling into the mainstream. But it failed in one key area: it wasnt specifically about trying to murder Bear Grylls.
Fortunately, Netflix seems to have remedied this. Today the platform released You vs Wild; a Bear Grylls documentary series where you call the shots. Bear is caught in the snow. Hes tracking a missing doctor in the jungle. Hes trying to escape a haunted mine. Hes an expert at survival. You are some idiot watching Netflix in your pants. And yet, for some reason, youve been put in charge of all his decisions.
And thats a huge mistake, obviously, because I guarantee that every single person who tries You vs Wild will do it for one reason and one reason only; to murder Bear Grylls in as grisly a manner as possible.
Of course you want to murder Bear Grylls. The entire point of his existence on Earth is to watch him suffer. In every TV show hes ever made hes had to drink his own pee or crawl inside a rancid camel corpse or suck all the moisture from a wad of elephant dung. Its disgusting, but that is what Bear Grylls is for. Regardless of the situation that You vs Wild presents, you will automatically choose the most extreme option, because all human DNA is encoded with a primal desire to harm Bear Grylls.
This brings us to the biggest fault of You vs Wild. Ive played through three of the eight episodes, and so far the man is unkillable. Its infuriating. It doesnt matter what you do wear him out too quickly, plunge his core temperature to a dangerous low, prod him along a series of undeniably rickety rope bridges the git manages to get out in one piece. The entire series is defined by a total, deafening lack of jeopardy.